October 03, 2004

The most loved programmer in America

Being an IT guy, I can completely sympathize with what this guy has to say:

Being a maintenance programmer is such a privileged joy and honor. I get to spend anywhere from eight to twelve, sometimes as many as sixteen straight hours a day locked in an eight by eight cube grinding my ass out writing code that you freaks don't appreciate. Did I mention you can suck me? What I love best is you forum jockeys lamenting the game code while you most likely work in a porn theater as a janitor or mooch off my tax dollars as an unemployed turd, sitting on a couch with no cushion with Chef Boyardee stains all over your wife beater. If you think you can write better netcode I invite you to come down and have a go, after you suck me of course....freak.

I understand this guy's plight, completely utterly, and without reservation. I spent the better part of year having to do maintenance code on an abortion of application that was, ironically, part of a very large multinational's([cough]--Jack Welch) quality initiative. I should have known I was in trouble when the program team's "powerbuilder ace" asked me a Powerbuilder question that was a complete non-sequitur. I forget what the precise question was, but the rough equivalent in layman-speak was "Do you get a sudden urge to urinate when starting your car?"

The day I showed up to work on the project, the entire project team had quit. This was actually the good part. They also had promised that the application would be fixed, debugged, and ready to run in 6 weeks, and when I showed up, the app would crash simply by breathing hard on it. They also had developed the app to work in a manner that I could only describe as user-homocidal. The most mild example of what they did was build a registration system that required a social security number to proceed.

This would have been fine, except for one problem--half of our users were in a foreign country and didn't have social security numbers. I had to deal with complaints for the next three months because social security numbers were embedded everywhere on the application, and I couldn't do a damn thing about fixing it(because having to enter 9 extra characters was a mild inconvenience compared to an application that would randomly barf a lung, eat data, etc.)

However, because of this, I had to listen to people with foreign accents complain every week about how they shouldn't have to enter a social security number, because they didn't have social security numbers in country X. Every time I heard it, I balled my hands into fists, and thought to myself:

Listen, moron. I didn't write this abortion of an application. I am just the poor schmuck who has to clean up the stain left by a bunch of utter incompetents. A bunch of incompetents, I might add, who speak with the same funny accent you do, and put the SSN in there anyway. So please, leave me the *&^$ alone!

So yes, I got these(and worse) complaints from the 2000 users who were using this app, complaining about all the stuff on the app that didn't work, and swearing at me, even though all the developers of the app had flown the coop the day I showed up.

So, when this guy says the following, let me say, from the bottom of my heart, I hear ya, pal:

Seriously, let's listen to what you have to say! Here's some gems from the forums that you guys wrote. Names withheld to protect the retarded.

I worked hard by afking 16 profassions to beacoming a Jedi (I had to learn auto-cliker lol!) I should beable to kill ne1 who atatcks me in one hit from my sabar and ne1 I kill should lose XP 2. What do u think?

Aye, you sure "worked hard"! Hard work is coding for 48 hours straight so some guy who spends $15 can call you an asshole. I'll get right on this one.

Posted by John Bono at October 3, 2004 12:55 AM| Link Cosmos

Did a link ask for annoying Registration? Bug me not!

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I've managed to install the newest version of MT-blacklist, so public commenting is again enabled. If I get spammed heavily, I'll reinstate registration via TypeKey.

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